God has done something incredible within me these past 7 months of tours.. it's like He has breathed new life into me and I feel like i've stepped into this whole new place and I'm seeing with scales removed from my eyes.. and through His lens. It's pretty incredible. I understand more and more that we can't 'save everyone' but we can move.. love.. embrace.. because it doesn't stop with us. it starts with us. every little bit helps. the world would not be spinning otherwise.. Can you imagine if everyone had the attitude: who am i? i can't do anything so why try..? That's just the way the world is. Then again.. why do you see people who seem to 'have it all' continue to seek.. search..? because we've been reconciling our soul back to the beginning.. because we were created for much greatness.. not for our own glories.. no. because it doesn't stop with us ;) ..
I've witnessed things that I never ever thought.. or could comprehend. And to think.. so much worse is there. I pray I never witness.. When I am in Europe for long periods of time.. alone.. it's a battlefield on my soul as March and June seemed to be. Because.. I know. The war waging within at times becomes so overwhelming that I have to remember where my comfort and strength lies.
Remembering that first moment .. when something within me recognized darkness beyond what lay in me.. I was in my freshman year of college. Having just come back from watching a movie with my roommate, we settled into our dorm room for the night. This was in the fall of 98. The tv was on and Dateline began a segment... 'The Trial of Tears'. Sitting on the floor, I watched images of mostly women and children walking great distance in a land foreign to me.. the bare landscape and balding mountains, snow capped. The look in their eyes.. This was in Kosova. It was the first time it clicked within me. I sat there with tears streaming down my face.. not able to comprehend what was happening. After all we were on the cusp of the new millennium and this was Europe.. yet these faces told a different desolate story. In those moments, I felt something surge deep deep inside of me.. I felt empowered and powerless all at the same time..
It started there... like i said.. no longer did it stop with me, but this is where it started. I understand more how much my life since then has been a bit of a patchwork quilt.. made up of experiences.. moments.. people and places.. held together by the stories. And it has been the same Spirit which has moved me..
This past year while in Greece, I met with a ministry called Porta (means door in Greek.. Albanian and Italian). They work with Albanians who live in Greece (mostly in Athens) in helping them learn anything from life skills to english, building community and fellowship.. and just loving them. I spent two nights with this group of sweet beautiful people.. and as they sang in Albanian.. praising God in their language.. It was everything in me to not weep from joy.. but so humbled.. Ten years ago.. I sat on the floor of my dorm room feeling helpless yet with every ounce of my being wanting to reach across the vastness of this lonely world and give them something.. anything.. hope. What had been given to me in an inward place of such darkness, i know experience hope in my own life. Walking back to my temporary 'home' for a moment.. I felt the realness of God. I wanted to tell someone about this.. but wasn't sure who I could say as who could I begin to explain this journey? But God knew... He knows my heart.
it's a choice you make.. you choose how to live your life, to make manifest each day as it is the only guarantee you get! As I am sure you look back at your own life and think.. how have I come through all this? how is this my life..?
The more I travel.. i understand that travel for me isn't about collecting postcards or checking off a list of places i've been.. for me, it is about the people. For me it has been about not acquiring good experiences.. as they have been.. but God experiences. All these moments.. people.. experiences.. places.. form a constellation in the sky of God.. It's not a institution.. a word.. not something i do.. but it is a revolution that changes you.. moves you.. And I haven't stopped.. ;) I no longer feel helpless.. hopeless.. powerless.. but empowered to be a part of something much great than me. As we are each called to such greatness.
No comments:
Post a Comment