Tennessee, you've been good to me

the view from my parents home

sweet friends at one of our many cookouts

It seems fitting that for lyrics to convey where my thoughts are this morning..

“Tennessee you’ve been good to me.. yes I’ve come to believe, you’re where I want to be.. you may not be.. what everybody needs.. but Tennessee.. you’re good enough for me” Mindy Smith

“if I hadn’t left Nashville. I wouldn’t be here today..”. Casey Black

“You’re a distant memory, you’re an exit south.. On a childhood highway.. it’s not quite London.. or the south of France.. or an Asian island.. or a second chance.. going back to Nashville thinking about the whole thing, guess you’ve got to run sometimes..” David Mead

There are places that will always leave an imprint on my heart.. moments that will play out in the theater of my mind.. and when they come, how I savor the memory. So many moments from brunch on Sundays in New York City; walking through Central Park in the snow; to playing music in the open piazzas of Florence; late nights on my front porch in Savannah with friends and the heady scent of jasmine on a soft breeze... Yet there is that place which causes an ache so deep within you… the only way to soothe that is to return. Home.

So often I’m asked; ‘..of all the places you’ve gone, what is your favorite place?’ How my answer often disappoints them. It’s driving down childhood highways towards Leiper’s Fork .. over the hills, passing the horses farms to the place that gave birth to my imagination, where freely it ran wild. A place where anything beyond my backyard was an adventure. Little did I know where that life beyond my backyard would take me. There are places that left me in amazement and wonder, hoping to some day return. But those places are beyond count. How could I choose?

Yes I’ve been incredibly lucky to live the life I’ve lived. To see the spectacular places that you stand in awe of and think, ‘how is this my life?’. I’m constantly having those moments. Yet the place I ache for, is the place I wanted to leave. And as much as the I love atmosphere that was the home. It’s what happened in this place.

My roots aren’t in the South. My family is from the Midwest. I don’t have that southern pride.. nor do I have any connect with the place which gave birth to my parents. My nostalgia isn’t for the place itself as much as I find it beautiful. There are places I’ve seen that surpass the beauty of Williamson County by far and wide! Those hills can’t compete with the Swiss Alps. And Center Hill Lake can’t compare to the blue waters of the Aegean Sea. And the history.. well standing on the Acropolis in front of the Parthenon goes back a bit further than the Civil War. Not to discredit these things rather what I am expressing: So what does it leave you with? {to the left: my parents when they were younger and dating} The people. It’s my family that I ache for. My sweet authentic friends. My childhood. Those tender memories when you didn’t know the weight of the world and the wickedness that man is capable of. I ache for the sweetness of dancing in the living room to Michael Jackson and Billy Joel, my sisters and I twirling around. I ache for Sunday drives and brunch with Dad. I ache for sitting on the counter as my mom bakes and teaching us. I ache for enjoying the outdoors playing music with friends, laughing and just doing life together. Yet, I don’t live in the past of what I miss. I am very much here in the present.

What is all this showing me? What is that ache so deep within me? For years now I’ve crossed oceans- I’ve made a living at doing so. Not for a second would I take back all I’ve come into in my short life. No regrets. Just an ache.

As I sit in my home in McKinney, TX.. on a no name highway.. surrounded by no name towns. I’m a nobody. No one knows my name or really even cares to know. Rather than think that this place has nothing to offer me or I have nothing to off ‘it’… I remember that all of these places have become a part of who I am, the fabric of my being. And for me the core of it lays at home. I don’t know ‘what comes next’. For some, that may be a scary thought but where I find rest and so much comfort is remembering that when God puts a vision in us, He won’t take it from us. He continues to work in us; through us. There is a scripture that speaks of the ‘parched land will become pools of water..’. How I love this image. For so long, that vision has had to do with travel and nations. It still does. He’s allowed it to come into being and continues to. I look forward with anticipation and excitement as to what the new day brings. But I too look forward to sharing in that, hopefully, with a family. That the deepest thing I ache for isn’t to fill my passport with stamps that it may read like an atlas but to give life as my parents having given to me. Amazing how your life can feel like it comes full circle while continuing to propel you forward. I have no idea if I’ll ever live back in Nashville- how I’d love to. But God has a bigger picture I’ve to really, only tantalizing glimpses. But I also know that when we seek him, He does delight in blessing us with the desires of our hearts. How amazing is that?!





So as I sit here let my heart focus on what is not rather all that is. To revel in the greatness and grandeur of God’s plan- one which I could never have invented for myself. To be grateful for all that has been laid before me with my heart and purpose in mind. I look forward to my trip home not for the place itself rather to savor my time with my family and precious friends. And remember that Tennessee.. you’ve been good to me.